It’s been a month since I came to Japan, and today, I made a decision that might change the course of my life.

This first month hasn’t been easy. I’ve been sleeping at midnight or even later, waking up around 10 a.m., and spending each day either working part-time or going to language school. I only eat two meals a day, usually udon or soba noodles. Fruits and vegetables are expensive here, and since I don’t have any income right now, I’ve only eaten bananas once or twice in the past month. I buy the cheapest vegetables—mostly bean sprouts and cabbage. Food delivery is out of the question due to high labor costs, so I have to walk to the supermarket myself, which usually takes two to three hours round-trip.

Because of these inconveniences and the lack of decent meals, I’ve often thought about going back to my home country. A few days ago, I seriously considered quitting school and returning home—if the remaining tuition could be refunded. So I asked my language school about their refund policy. They told me tuition is charged in three-month blocks. Since I paid for six months in advance, I could get a refund for the remaining three months, minus some processing and remittance fees. In total, my partner and I might get back around 10,000 RMB.

But when I found out I could actually get the refund, I hesitated. Human nature is strange—when you can’t have something, you want it so badly. But once it becomes possible, you start second-guessing everything (or maybe it’s just me being indecisive).

That night, I downloaded the Chinese app “Maimai” to check out the job market back home. What I saw was depressing: people getting laid off, some jobless for months, others sending out thousands of resumes with no interview in sight. That made me think—if I go back now, will it really be any better? Staying in Japan means continuing this tough life for a while longer, but going home might bring even more uncertainty and anxiety.

Yes, the cost of living back home is lower, and my savings could support me for a year or two without working. But I’m not getting any younger, and I had planned to start a family soon. Without a job, that plan would have to be postponed again. Plus, I’ve only been in Japan for a short time—it feels like I haven’t done anything meaningful yet. If I go back now, I might regret it later.

So after thinking deeply today, I came up with a new plan: I’ll give myself six more months. During this time, I’ll focus on improving my Japanese speaking skills and searching for a job here. If I succeed, great—I’ll keep working until the end of the year and see how things go. If life here feels okay by then, I’ll go home for the New Year and return to Japan afterward, maybe even plan to settle down and have a baby here.

If I still find life in Japan hard, I’ll quit my job by the end of the year, return home with that experience under my belt, and start looking for a job again in my own country.

Either way, I’ll have spent a meaningful time in Japan, improved my language skills, and gained something I wouldn’t have if I left now. That alone will give me more options and confidence when looking for a job in the future.

Now that I’ve made my decision, it’s time to fully focus on preparing for job hunting in Japan. Wish me luck 🍀

To make life feel a little less tough (and a bit more enjoyable), I’ve also made a few new promises to myself:

• I’ll treat myself to fruits once or twice a week, even if they’re pricey.
• Even though rice is expensive (2kg costs about 2000 yen), I’ll cook rice every other day to bring some comfort into my meals.
• Every weekend—or at least every other weekend—I’ll go out, explore a bit, even if it’s just a walk in the park.

Life is hard, but as long as I have a direction, there’s still hope.